A LITTLE PERSPECTIVE – Better advertising needed

When I grow up I want to wear a rocket pack and drive the Zamboni.

I was at the elementary school in Midway last week after the kids had gone home. There was a meeting of the One-to-One reading program. The janitor was moving through the building with a vacuum strapped to her back. It looked so cool. Like she had on a jet pack or something.

When I was a little kid my mom and dad had the contract to clean the local school. They had vacuums too, but nothing so fancy as this thing. The vacuum they used back in the day was about the size of a 45-gallon drum and noisy as all get out.

The backpack unit looks to be way more fun. I bet they could get lots of people applying for the janitor positions at places like schools and banks and such if they would only advertise, “Can wear the jet-pack vacuum.”

The same kind of advertising could be used to get people to apply for a position at the arena too. “Gets to drive the Zamboni.” That sounds like a dream job. But if I had the Zamboni job I’d want to trick it out with a foghorn and a fog machine.

***

My hearing aid failed me again last week. I was at the fall fair meeting and the agenda came around to a new topic. President Lincoln Blaine said, “New business— highway signs.”

That is not what my ears heard, though. I heard, “New business—I resign!”

That definitely got my attention, but it seemed a bit odd the way the crowd took it so well. I was really having trouble catching up to the conversation for a bit there. I did finally understand they were talking about highway signs. But by now I was thinking the highway signs were being suggested as a way to advertise for a new president.

I came home from that so subliminally frustrated with the hearing aids that I misplaced one when I was taking them off the next day.

I looked high and low for it for about three hours. This is another time that I really miss Special K. Whenever I lost something before she passed away all I had to do was start looking and she’d make finding it the second most important thing in her life. The most important would be to remind me every few minutes what an idiot I am.

I eventually found the hearing aid when I had to respond to the call of nature. As I lifted the seat on the biffy, there was the hearing aid at the bottom of the bowl.

Fortunately I had taken the battery out and so it was simply a matter of making darn sure the thing was totally dry before I powered it back up 48 hours later.

***

The battery-operated cat door at home caused some grief on Wednesday morning. It works on a system that responds to a magnet that is attached to their collar. The magnet trips a circuit and unlocks the door so they can come in, while other critters without a magnet can’t get in.

But it seems the battery had run down and there were a couple of cats on the outside looking in. It was a scenic day though—lots of snow for them to play in.

When I opened the door there was little misunderstanding at all figuring out what they were saying to me as they walked in.

It sounded pretty darn close to Special K reminding me what an idiot I am.

 

 

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