On the shelf life of cans

A Little Perspective by Pat Kelly, as in June 2 Boundary Creek Times.

One thing about living a relaxed retirement lifestyle is sometimes you lose track of what day of the week it is. I think I am behind this week though, since this column was due yesterday.

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I am pretty busy moving my mom and sister over to the place I am renting in town. Interesting project. Like yesterday; weird day yesterday. I hadn’t seen one of my cats all day. But several times when I went in the kitchen I would hear her loud (almost amplified) meow. I finally discovered her at the bottom of a metre and a half tall box that she had somehow gotten into, but couldn’t climb out of.

Between the two of them, Mom and Gin have over 150 years of stuff in that little apartment where they live.

There are lots and lots of canned goods. Which raises the question of just how long the shelf-life of a can of green beans is anyhow?

So I did a bit of research on the Google and found out all kinds of stuff. Mind you, I tried to maintain some critical thinking through this—after all, this was about whether or not something I am thinking about eating is poisonous. For me, anyhow, that ranks up there as a pretty important question.

I saw a link to a video comparing the shelf life, best-before and sell-by dates. The first video (entitled “What canned goods last longest?”) had a guy who’d really done his research. He claimed to have spent at least 45 minutes in the local dollar store looking at the best-before dates on all of the cans.

Then he proceeded to read most of them in front of his video camera—it was informative in that I learned what kinds of food consistently outlasts others. Anyhow, I am getting a pretty good handle on best-before-dates, how to look out for bulging cans and such.

Now my YouTube account is set up to play another related video when the first one ends. The next YouTube video that started was titled “Survival Gear – buying canned goods.”

I had always thought Mom’s pantry was well-stocked until I watched this video. Looking over what this fella and his wife were stocking their pantry with I realized I had to go shopping to get some ammo.

Although it might be cheaper (and safer) if I just buy an old inner tube and rig up a tin can shooting slingshot.

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We don’t have a Tim Hortons down here in Medford, but for a buck you can get a large cup of coffee at the McDonald’s drive-thru. That’s where I noticed her nails, and I noticed her nails first, After giving my order to the squawk box I pulled around the corner and there she was—the young woman waiting to take my money there at window #1 had her hands hanging out of the window.

Really nice nails, I thought. They were a glossy, creamy-white colour. No designs or anything but they sure looked classy. After I had paid for the coffee I complimented her nails.

Obviously pleased with the comment she explained they were white, “So they will match any outfit my boyfriend wears.”

I told her I hadn’t realized the importance of “matching” until I got married at the age of 53; that I didn’t even know men wore “outfits” until I was married.

She stressed that matching was very important; in fact, she said that she often waits to get dressed to go out until her boyfriend is ready—that way she knows what to wear.

So there you go guys—the real reason why women are never ready on time.